Category Archives: Family

Second Thanksgiving

Tomorrow will  be the second Thanksgiving dinner we’ve had where family comes eats with us instead of us traveling.

The last time didn’t go so well. We were living in a total craphole we rented through Gage Management (a sorry little company if I might say) and my wife’s parents came to eat dinner with us. This was in 2005, pre kids.

It was a good dinner, but Amy’s parents got into a bit of a tiff toward the end. Little did we know that their relationship would go downhill after that. We were unaware they were having problems and in less than a year, they were separated. They divorced in the year following their separation.

And now, here we are, doing it again. Her mom remarried a few months ago and will join us with her new husband. With any luck, her sister and her two children will be able to come as well (my wife’s brother-in-law has to work, sadly).

Despite the turmoil that has brought us to this point, it’s nice to know we’ll be having family in our home – and this time, it’s one we own.

Here’s to new beginnings, second chances and renewal.

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re one of the top 85% of the richest people in the world. Be thankful.

I am thankful for my parents

My parents are awesome.

I am thankful for my parents. they have been incredibly gracious this year and I don’t think I could come close to repaying them for their generosity.

When I left Joplin, Mo., in March 2000 for Lawrence, KS, it was a sad day. With my U-Haul loaded and my car trailered behind me, I watched my mom tear up as her baby boy left to make his way in the world away from the area he called home. I imagine my dad wondered if he had given me enough training to not screw things up.

I think they did pretty well, despite a few bumps I’ve had along the way.

There are plenty of people I know who have terrible parents with family lives filled with dysfunction. I’m so grateful I’m not one of them.

So mom and dad, thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I truly don’t deserve you.

Five things I hope to teach my children

If I manage to pass these things on to my children, I’ll feel like I’ve done a decent job.

Of course, the list of things I’d like to pass on to my children is much longer than this, but there’s only so much time in the day to write.

How to manage their finances

Apparently I didn’t learn a whole lot about what to do – or what not to do – when it comes to managing my finances well. I’ve learned much in my adult life, but not without having to deal with some major fallout for years (decades?) to come.

We’ve already begun the training with our four-year-old daughter. She doesn’t – nor will she ever get – an allowance. Rather, she has the option to work on special projects for a set amount around the house to earn money that goes into her little coin purse. One day when it’s filled up enough, we’ll take that purse to the store and teach her about buying with the money she’s earned.

Speaking of money, I hope to teach our children …

Going massively in debt for college is a stupid idea

Every month when I make out that payment for the student loans, I want to stab myself in the neck. I went to an affordable college that my parents were generous to help out with, but I also had a scholarship that helped pay for some of the cost as well. If I had that money to spend on anything else than debt, we’d be much better off.

I needed very little student loan money to go through college, but instead used the funds on guitars, recording an album, video games, and other fleeting stuff (see point No. 1). I had no real understanding of how long it would take me to pay it all back. The debt compounded when I got married, as my wife not only had an undergrad degree, but a master’s from the University of Kansas as well (she actually used hers to pay for college, amazingly).

Today we manage fine, but we’ll be paying on these things a long, long, long time unless we find ways to be more agressive to paying the student loans off.

Traveling outside of the country is essential

I was very blessed during college to have opportunities to travel (as part of my schooling, not on student-loan funded getaways) to France, Panama, Costa Rica, Honduras and Nicaragua.

The things I saw changed my worldview and gave me a deeper understanding of what being an American meant. I know people who have barely left the county they live in, let alone their state, region or the country. From my experience, conversing with people who have never traveled outside the country on major political and social issues can be akin to talking with someone who speaks a different language.

If I have to do it myself (despite my resolve to never fly again), my children will see America through other people’s eyes.

Don’t become, date, or marry a teacher

This one is controversial in our household. My wife became a teacher after getting her master’s degree, and it was pretty rough. The long hours, the endless amount of paperwork, dealing with parents (the children weren’t typically the biggest headaches), the idiocy of administration, the list is quite long.

I don’t understand why she enjoys it. She apparently does, as she started an in-home preschool at our domicile, but if there is any way my children can find something else to do with their lives, I’d be thrilled.

Yes, I know that sounds bad. But parents always want a better life for their children, and I don’t want my kids working 50 to 60 hours a week.

Don’t be fearful

Fear can run people’s lives, but only because they let it. Fear keeps people from going after their dreams, doing the things they’d like to do, or taking the chances they need to take. I see it all the time and it drives me crazy. I know people who want to take a risk, but don’t because of fear. I know some who worry about things that never, ever happen, nor had the slightly probability to materialize.

I also know people who aren’t afraid to take chances and come out ahead, mainly because they’re not being held back like their fraidy-cat counterparts. This hasn’t always been my strongest trait. It’s only within the last couple of years that I’ve started taking more risks, being less “safe,” and overwhelmingly, it’s working in my favor.

By the way, if this is you, check out the excellent video Quieting the Lizard Brain by Seth Godin. It’s long, but worth it.

Regret

On Memorial Day weekend, I was crazy enough to pack the family up and head out to Clinton Lake for a little picnic.

The place was packed. I’ve not seen that many people out at the lake in a long time. We only planned to eat lunch out there and then play around a little, but once we got there Ember, my oldest, saw the beach, and wanted to explore a little further. My wife and I didn’t pack any swimsuits for us or our two girls, but we took off our socks and shoes and walked down the shoreline of the sandy, manmade lake. After a bit of fun, we packed up and headed home, but I told Ember we’d come back to play again in proper form.

Sadly, we never made the time to make it back out. Life got busy for us this summer. We purchased our first house in May, moved in, and then spent a lot of time getting the place ready for my wife to launch her new in-home preschool, Tiny Tykes Playcare.

And before we knew it, the summer was over.

On Sunday, I took my motorcycle out for a ride around Clinton Lake, and decided to stop in at Bloomington Beach where we had picnicked. It was cold and overcast. I spotted a lone sandal, left behind like a talisman for warmer, more enjoyable times. The cold wind coming off the water cut through me. The grey of the sky make the place look bleak. There were only a few others out there, stopping only for a second to see if the bathrooms to open or let their dogs out to run around a bit. They all left quickly, perhaps deciding, liked I did, that the fun times were over for this recreational spot.

I felt terrible, but not from the cold. I was filled with regret that I didn’t make good on my word that we would come back out and enjoy some family time at the lake.

Regret is one of those things that people don’t seem to want to admit they have. You hear it all the time, that familiar phrase, “I’ve lived a life without regrets.” Or perhaps another one, “I don’t have any regrets.”

I think that’s crap.

I have plenty of regrets. I regret how I gave in to peer pressure and failed to treat a half-black biracial classmate with dignity. I reget taking out student loans when I didn’t need to so I could purchase band gear, gaming gear and other stuff that’s long gone. I regret waiting so long to be part of my local community; 10 years to get to know this town more intimately was way too long.

And now I regret not taking Ember back to the lake. Words really cannot adequately express the reget I have about this.

The idea I’m trying to incorporate into my mindset these days is how finite time is. Time cannot be saved to be stored up for a rainy day. Time burns on for each of us until it doesn’t. I’m really trying to be more cognizant of this.

And yet, I won’t shy away from reget. I feel it’s important to embrace the things I wish I would have done differently, with the hope it’ll lead me to make better decisions with the time I have left.

A sticky situation

Have you ever gotten a piece of tape stuck on your fingers and tried to flap it off by moving your hands really fast?

On my way out the door, I noticed my 16-month-old daughter, Remi, doing that exact motion. She’d look at one hand, then the other. The object sticking to her, invisible to my eye, was stuck and kept transferring between the pendulum of her tiny hands.

Kids get all sorts of stuff stuck on their hands and it’s funny to watch them try and figure out how to get them off.

However, there is a danger in the things that attach to tiny hands and feet. Something of particular caution is hair. There are young children who have lost fingers and toes because a long piece of hair got wrapped around the appendages and cut off the circulation. Therefore, it’s important to check these things out to be safe.

I grabbed Remi’s hand, taking a swipe to see what all the fuss was about. I didn’t see anything until I glanced at my own hand, revealing the source of her distraction: a booger.

Of course, I let out a loud “Oh my gosh! ” and grabbed a baby wipe to cleanse Remi and myself of this horrible intruder.

And that’s how I started my day.

Seven year itch: happy anniversary

Today marks my seventh anniversary with my wife, Amy Gruber!

Way before the days of social media, we bumped into each other online and started IM’d each other (do people still do that?) for more than a year. She was living in Topeka at the time – and had a boyfriend – but we because friends and chatted from time to time as kind of online pen pals.

But I got busy. I moved in with three crazy guys, and we lost touch for a bit. Then one night I logged in to my faithful-but-neglected Yahoo! Messenger, and saw her yellow smiley face in my list. She informed me she was moving to Lawrence to finish her master’s degree. I informed her we should meet.

And so we did. We met shortly thereafter at The Java Break for a little coffee (she had hot cocoa) and chatted. The night went wonderful. I went home that evening and told my roommates “I think this might be the one.”

Here we are seven years later.

The moral of the story? The internet is awesome. Do out and do something incredible with it today.

Happy anniversary, Amy!